Realizing Love
by Moonshifter
Summary: FINISHED! Makoto discovers something about herself... but is it to late? Songfic.. warning: yuri romance.
1. Standing Still

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or the song… Those belong to Naoko Takeuchi and Jewel.  Well, she's the one that sings it so I assume she owns it… Anyway…  Don't sue me please! All you'll get is a gallon of lemonade, Two Sailor Moon wall scrolls and a Sailor Jupiter poster… Maybe some Louisiana license plates… So please don't try it, I like my wall stuff and drinks!

I'm standing by this streetlight for no reason at all, apparently.  And the truth is that I don't really have a good reason for being here except for the fact that I need some time to think, time by myself. What am I thinking about?  Sure, you would ask that question... I'm thinking about Ami-chan, just like I have been for quite awhile now. I don't know what it is about her that makes my mind believe that I love her. It could be her gorgeous blue hair, her ice blue eyes, or maybe the way she knows exactly what she wants to say and always has the right information for the situation. I don't know… but whatever it is, it's pulling me toward her more and more every day. I start wandering down the dark street, and I got about two blocks down before a car turned the corner and almost blinded me with it's headlights. As I watched it pass, I wonder if the person driving cared, or even just noticed, that I was standing here. _Where is Ami right now?_

_Cuttin' through the darkest night in my two headlights_

_Trying to keep it clear, but I'm losing it here to the twilight_

There's a dead end to my left, there's a burning bush to my right 

_You aren't in sight, you aren't in sight._

_I just wonder if she will accept me. I am so scared that the person who I believe to be my first true love will not be willing to return the love that I so whole-heartedly want to show her. I continue walking, not really paying attention to where I am going. After a few seconds, I break out in a dead run, not even caring which way I turn. __Will you accept me? Please say you will._

_Do you want me, like I want you?_

_Or am I standing still, beneath the darkened sky?_

_Or am I standing still, with the scenery flying by?_

_Or am I standing still, out of the corner of my eye?_

_Was that you passing me by?___

I finally slow down to catch my breath and when some teenage boys drove by in their super-charged cars, I realized where I was. I had found my way to Ami's neighborhood, and to make matters worse, I was in front of her apartment. _What the hell? I don't know this part of town well. How did I get here?  I stood there looking at her window. Soon I realize that this is where I need to be, then I sit down on the ground and start to cry. __I guess I need to tell her now. I have almost no choice. But how?_

_Mothers on the stoop, boys in souped-up coupes on this hot summer night_

_Between fight and flight is the blind man's sight and the choice that's right_

_I roll the window down, feel like I'm gonna drown in this strange town_

Feel broken down, I feel broken down 

_Suck it up Makoto. Just do it. She needs to know and you need to tell her. It doesn't matter if she turns you down, you can get over it. And it will be so wonderful if she agrees! I need her so badly.  I stood up and wipe the tears out of my eyes and slowly walk up the stairs to Ami's apartment door. I raise my arm to knock, but drop it for a moment. __How am I going to do this?_

_Do you need me, like I need you?_

_Or am I standing still, beneath the darkened sky?_

_Or am I standing still, with the scenery flying by?_

_Or am I standing still, out of the corner of my eye?_

_Was that you passing me by?****_

I could just go home and call her tomorrow. But that's a coward's way of admitting something. I'm not a coward. I'm going to tell her now. 

Sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow 

Sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow

I quickly knock on the door before I could change my mind. After a few moments, a voice came from the other side of the door. "Who's there?" The door swung open and Ami stood in front of me. "Oh, hey Mako-chan." Her brows raised and looked slightly worried. "Are you okay?"

 "Yeah. I just need to talk if this isn't a bad time." 

"Okay, I was just studying… come on in and have a seat." I walked in and sat down on the couch. "Mako-chan, what's wrong?" 

_Do you love me, like I love you?_

_Or am I standing still, beneath the darkened sky?_

_Or am I standing still, with the scenery flying by?_

_Or am I standing still, out of the corner of my eye?_

_Was that you passing me by?_

_Are you passing me by? (Passing me by)_

_Do you want me? (Passing me by)_

_Do you need me, like I need you too?_

_And do you want me, like I want you?_

Are you passing me by?

"Ami-san, hear me out please."

"Of course Mako." She sat down opposite me and I took a deep breath, then slowly began to speak. 

"Ami-san.  I don't really know how to explain this." I closed my eyes tightly and quickly blurted it out. "I love you."


	2. The Best I've Ever Had

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, and despite my mindset, I am not Sailor Jupiter. ::snaps fingers:: Damn. And I don't own the song either… I think that's owned by Vertical Horizon. Neway, this is a continuation of "Standing Still" from Ami's point of view… Yes, I am insane. And, yes, I am open to flames. But that doesn't mean I won't flame back.

I was sitting in front of my computer, doing some research and daydreaming slightly when there was a knock at the door. I called out, "Who's there?" I got up and walked over to the door. Upon the opening of the door, I saw Mako-chan standing there. "Oh, hey Mako-chan." I raised my brows as I noticed a slightly hazy look in her gorgeous emerald eyes. _It looks as if she's been crying. But why would Mako-chan be crying? She's so strong, she never cries. "Are you okay?"_

"Yeah. I just need to talk if this isn't a bad time." It is never a bad time for me when Mako-chan is around. 

"Okay, I was just studying… come on in and have a seat." She walked over and sat down on the couch. "Mako-chan, what's wrong?"

"Ami-san, hear me out please."

"Of course Mako." I sat down opposite her as she took a deep breath, then slowly began to speak. "Ami-san.  I don't really know how to explain this." She closed her eyes tightly and quickly blurted it out. "I love you."

_So you sailed away  
Into a grey sky morning  
Now I'm here to stay  
Love can be so boring_

_Nothing's quite the same now  
I just say your name now_

I blinked several times looking at her in a semi-blank fashion. Her eyes lowered toward the ground and she looked as if she might cry again.  "Makoto. I-I don't know what to say. Maybe if you give me a little bit of time, I can figure this out…" She sat there for a moment and I could have sworn that she was going to break out in tears right then and there.

"I understand Ami-san," she stood up and walked over to the door, "I-I'll talk to you later." She quickly walked out and I sat there staring at the closed door. 

_ But it's not so bad  
You're only the best I ever had  
You don't want me back  
You're just the best I ever had_

That night I couldn't sleep and ended up pacing back and forth on the carpet at the foot of my bed. _How am I going to do this? She is such a good friend, I don't want to hurt her more then it looks like I already have. How can I tell her? _

_So you stole my world  
now I'm just a phony  
Remembering the girl  
leaves me down and lonely_

I sit down in front of my computer and start typing anything and everything that comes to mind. 

Dear Mako-chan,

Backspace

Makoto, 

Delete

Mako-san, 

Highlight, DELETE

_Send it in a letter  
Make yourself feel better_

###Several Hours Later###

I finally finished the letter, saved it onto my hard drive and shut down the computer. I looked at the clock, which had just turned to 5:41 AM. I blinked several times. _Oh my god! I have to go to school! I started grabbing stuff and ran out the door, trying to make it to school on time. _

_But it's not so bad_

_You're only the best I ever had_

_You don't need me back  
You're just the best I ever had  
  
_

I spent my lunch hour in the library, much to the dismay of Usagi-chan. Later, while walking home with her, I ask her how lunch went with them. "Well, I don't know what was wrong, but Mako-chan offered me her entire lunch without eating any of it." I faltered in my step slightly upon hearing that. Usagi turned around to look at me. 

"Are you okay Ami-chan?" 

"Yeah. I think I tripped over a rock." She paused for a minute.

"…Wait a minute, that's my job!" 

_And it may take some time to  
Patch me up inside  
But I can't take it so I  
Run away and hide  
And I may find in time that  
You were always right  
You're always right_

"Um, excuse me Usagi-chan… I need to go study." 

"Okay Ami-chan. See you later." I turned around and bumped straight into Haruka. 

"Hello Haruka-san." 

"Hello Ami-chan." 

"Excuse me, I must be going." I walked past her and I felt her watching me as I walked away. 

~*~

I could tell that there was something wrong with Ami-chan so I decided to follow her.  She didn't seem to know which way to go, but she ended up walking straight into the library. "Fun…" I followed her in and sat down on the opposite side of the room as her. She picked up a book and opened the cover of the book. Then turned a page. And turned another page. "Joy, let's make a documentary. Ami at the library!" She closed the book, picked up another book… and I left. "Koneko-chan can do her own following."

~*~

_So you sailed away  
Into a grey sky morning  
Now I'm here to stay  
Love can be so boring   
  
What was it you wanted  
Could it be I'm haunted_

After a few minutes in the library, I realized that the books that I was looking at were doing nothing for cheering me up, so I got up and left. I ended up wandering around without any idea of where I was going or which way I was turning. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Makoto's apartment. I stood there for several minutes just staring up at her window.  For some reason, I couldn't look away. After a few minutes, I turned and began to walk away.

~*~

I walked over to my window and looked out. I quickly spotted Ami-chan standing on the sidewalk on the other side of the street. She turns and started to walk away. _Oh my god. I've really hurt her this time. She can't even stand to talk to me anymore. Oh my god… what am I going to do? I walked away from the window and sat down on my bed, beginning to cry for about the fifth time in the past two days. _

~*~

_But it's not so bad  
You're only the best I ever had  
I don't want you back  
You're just the best I ever had  
The best I ever had  
The best I ever_

I walked into my apartment and turned on the computer, connecting to the Internet. I opened up the letter I had written the night before. After using spell check and grammatical check to fix the numerous mistakes I had made, and reading it over many times, I used copy and paste and put it into e-mail, addressed for Makoto. 

Dear Makoto-san,

I am very sorry about last night. You caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do at the moment. I didn't mean to hurt you at all, but I know that I have.  After thinking of what to do, and how to do it, I have figured things out. I love you too. I have for quite some time now. I was shocked last night when you showed up and told me that. I was not expecting it at all. I didn't know what to say, or even do, when you said that. I would understand completely if you decided to have nothing to do with me for how much I have hurt you. But I strongly hope that you will consider forgiving me for causing you to hurt. I am extremely sorry for it and I hope that I will never hurt you again. But, I do love you. 

~Ami-chan

**__**


	3. Amazed

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Sailor Moon or Amazed. Dammit.. Why does everyone else get all the good ideas that get them rich? ::glaring at smart people:: . . That means you can't sue me cuz it's not mine! So leave me alone.  
  
Warning:  
  
::claxons go off and red lights flash as a recorded voice speaks deeply and loudly:: WARNING, WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A SUGGESTIVE SCENE. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT, SKIP THIS CHAPTER!  
  
  
  
  
  
I lay in bed for at least thirty minutes with every nerve in my body screaming at me to stay in bed and not bother with getting up. I had cried myself into a fitful sleep the night before. It deeply pains me to think that I have hurt Ami-chan into not wanting to talk to me anymore. The only reason I decided to get up was school. stupid school. I rolled over and slid off the bed to stand weakly and stumble into the kitchen, absently turning on the computer on the way over. As I pulled the milk out of the fridge, I heard the well-known "You've got Mail" sound and, after pouring a glass of milk, wandered back over to the computer to see who it was from. As I sat down in the chair, my eyes went wide when I noticed that it was from Ami-chan. I opened it and began to read.  
  
Dear Makoto-san,  
  
I am very sorry about last night. You caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do at the moment. I didn't mean to hurt you at all, but I know that I have. After thinking of what to do, and how to do it, I have figured things out. I love you too. I have for quite some time now. I was shocked last night when you showed up and told me that. I was not expecting it at all. I didn't know what to say, or even do, when you said that. I would understand completely if you decided to have nothing to do with me for how much I have hurt you. But I strongly hope that you will consider forgiving me for causing you to hurt. I am extremely sorry for it and I hope that I will never hurt you again. But, I do love you.  
  
~Ami-chan  
  
I sat there reading it over several times as I let it sink in. She loves me. She really loves me. I began to rush around the apartment, getting ready for school with a new resolve. After quickly downing the glass of milk that I had poured, I rushed over to the closet and pulled out my new school uniform that I haven't worn yet. I looked at my watch to see that I had some extra time. ~I think I'll wear some make-up!~ I ran into the bathroom, dug into the bottom of my drawer and came up with my pitiful excuse for make-up.  
  
###Thirty Minutes Later###  
  
I was standing at the place where I usually meet the girls, waiting patiently. After a few minutes, Usagi-chan and Minako-chan came walking around the corner. Once they spotted me, they waved insanely toward me. "Mako-chan! Ohayo!"  
  
"Ohayo!" They got to me quickly and stopped suddenly in their tracks. Usagi-chan started talking in a worried voice.  
  
"Ma-Mako-chan, daijoubu?"  
  
"Hai, so des. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Y-you're wearing make-up."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
Minako-chan looked at me strangely. "Okay, who are you, and what have you done to Mako-chan?"  
  
"Aren't I allowed to wear make-up every once in awhile?"  
  
They both spoke in unison. "NO!"  
  
I sweatdropped and started to walk on ahead of them toward school. "Mako- chan! Wait up!" They ran after me and were soon on my heels.  
  
"So, what made you do it Mako?"  
  
"I just felt like wearing make-up. Do I really have to have a reason?"  
  
"Yes! You never wear make-up. It's just not like you to just randomly wear make-up."  
  
"Well, I am. could you get over it possibly?"  
  
Just about that time, we were reaching the place where we usually meet up with Ami-chan, and I could already see her standing there by the corner. It took everything I had to stay with the girls and not run ahead and pull her into my arms. Beside me, Usagi waved and yelled toward her. "Ami-chan, Ohayo!"  
  
We got over to her then I quickly spoke to her. "Ohayo, Ami-chan"  
  
She hesitated. "O-Ohayo M-Mako-chan."  
  
Usagi and Minako blinked several times, and then Usagi-chan looked at me. "Mako-chan, what's going on here?"  
  
"Nothing daijoubu!"  
  
Minako blinked some more. "I don't believe you."  
  
"Heh. heheh." I looked at my watch. "Oh look at the time, gotta get to class." I grabbed Ami's wrist. "Let's go Ami-chan." I half-dragged her off in the direction of the school, the others left blinking. We quickly got to school and I immediately pulled her into a bathroom. "Ami-chan, please tell me that that was really you that wrote that e-mail."  
  
She blinked for a second, then timidly spoke. "You. you actually read that?"  
  
"Yes, Ami-chan. Of course I did."  
  
"I.I.I. You read it?"  
  
".Yeah. So does this mean we're going out now?" She blushed fifteen million shades of red. "I'm taking that as a yes." I lightly wrapped my arms around her waist and looked deep into her gorgeous blue eyes. ".Ami?"  
  
//Every time our eyes meet  
  
This feeling inside me  
  
Is almost more than I can take  
  
Baby when you touch me  
  
I can feel how much you love me  
  
And it just blows me away  
  
I've never been this close to anyone or anything  
  
I can hear your thoughts  
  
1 I can see your dreams//  
  
I leaned down enough to force our lips to connect. I believe that it took her a few seconds to realize exactly what I had done, but soon enough, she responded to my kiss and her arms snaked around my neck. We were so caught up in the moment that we almost didn't hear the bell ring.  
  
  
  
###Lunch###  
  
  
  
At lunch, we sat at our normal area, but this time, Ami sat with me next to the tree that I always lean against. Usagi kept eyeing us suspiciously.  
  
"Mako-chan, why where you late to class this morning? I mean, you had to have gotten to school before us, considering that you ran off with Ami-chan in tow."  
  
I quickly ran through a list of excuses, then simply stated, "I had to go to the bathroom." Well, it's wasn't a complete lie.  
  
Minako-chan's brow rose slightly as Ami rested her head on my shoulder and put an arm across my back. ".Sure." She smiled softly and then looked over at Usagi and started yelling at her. "Come ON! Lunch is almost over and you're ALWAYS late to your next class!" Minako-chan dragged Usagi-chan off into the direction of her next class. A few months afterward, she told me that she could see the bright, radiant light of love surrounding the two of us at that moment.  
  
2 //I don't know how you do what you do  
  
2.1 I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better  
  
I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you by my side  
  
Forever and ever  
  
Every little thing that you do  
  
Baby I'm amazed by you//  
  
We sat there for a few more minutes, arms lightly draped around each other's shoulders. I ended up giving her some of my lunch, since Usagi- chan, who normally ate it, had already been dragged off. When the bell rang, we got up and I walked with her toward her class and kissed her softly before leaving toward my own.  
  
###After School###  
  
The girls and I were on our way home when we ran into Haruka-san and Michiru-san. I lightly nodded to the both of them. "Konnichiwa Haruka-san, Michiru-san."  
  
Michiru eyed me slightly. "Mako-chan."  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"What's that on your face?"  
  
"Make-up?"  
  
"..Um, no." She grabbed my wrist, "Come with me child. We're going shopping." She turned over her shoulder and spoke to Haruka. "I'll be home later Darling." The others all sweatdropped as Michiru pulled me off in the direction of the nearest Clinque store.  
  
###Hours later###  
  
I pulled assorted bags out of the back of Haruka's car that Michiru had borrowed before we went shopping. We had ended up going to at least four different make-up stores and several of the name brand clothing stores, myself protesting at every stop that I didn't need anything and that I would probably end up not wearing any of it, but Michiru insisted and paid for everything for me. I really hate it when people do things like this for me, but at least I now know that they care. I dragged every bag up to my apartment and dumped them into the closet before collapsing on the couch. After recuperating for a few minutes, I picked up the phone and called Ami- chan.  
  
"Moshi Moshi?"  
  
"Konbanwa Ami-chan"  
  
"MAKO! How were things with Michiru-san?"  
  
I blinked. "She got me way to much stuff. But I was wondering if you would like to go do something tonight."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I don't know. I was thinking that I could cook something here and then we could decided what to do from there."  
  
"Okay, well, what time would you like me to be over there?"  
  
"You can come over now if you would like."  
  
"Okay. I'll just wrap up what I'm doing and head on over. I'll probably be there between 30 minutes to an hour."  
  
"I'll see you then babe."  
  
"Sayonara."  
  
"Sayonara" I hung up the phone and lay down across the couch and was soon asleep.  
  
~*~  
  
After quickly changing into a form fitting black dress, I practically ran all the way over to Mako-chan's apartment. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. After a minute, I knocked again.  
  
"Mako-chan?" I waited and there was still no reply. "Mako?" I carefully turned the doorknob and it opened easily. I stepped inside and looked around slightly to see Mako-chan lying on the couch, asleep. I was so tempted just to leave her there sleeping, after all, she looked so cute and peaceful lying there. I debated leaving her there and just sitting and watching her until she woke up, but I decided against it, figuring that she would likely be angry for coming in and not saying anything. So I walked over and lightly nudged her shoulder. "Mako-chan. wake up. Mako?" her eyes opened slightly and looked at me, half asleep and half confused. She completely opened her eyes and looked up at me, then quickly sat up.  
  
"How did you get in?"  
  
"The door was unlocked. you really should watch that."  
  
She didn't reply but just kind of looked me up and down, seemingly in one of her normal trances. "Mako-chan?" she immediately snapped out of it and shook her head slightly, then looked down at her own school uniform.  
  
"I'm sorry Ami-chan." she pointed toward her bedroom, "I'm going to go change clothes if that's alright with you."  
  
"Go right ahead."  
  
She smiled softly. "Thanks Ami," she stood up and before disappearing down the hall, kissed me on the cheek. After she was gone, I closed the door and locked it, then went to stand in the open doorway of her bedroom, just as she threw her shirt into a corner, landing on her blue skirt. I smiled as I watched her walk over to the closet and pull out a dress and toss it onto the bed without turning around. When she finally did turn around, I immediately caught her eyes and we stood there for a moment, then I looked down slightly at her well-toned stomach muscles.  
  
~*~  
  
I really couldn't believe that she was standing there watching me get undressed. Once she pulled her gaze away from mine and looked at my stomach, I couldn't keep myself from walking over and kissing her softly, full on the lips. She quickly responded by wrapping her arms around my neck and deepening the kiss. It didn't take long for my senses to go into overdrive and the next thing I knew, I was unzipping her dress and pushing her onto the bed.  
  
2.2 //The smell of your skin  
  
the taste of your kiss  
  
the way you whisper in the dark  
  
your hair all around me, baby you surround me  
  
you touch every place in my heart  
  
oh, it feels like the first time everytime  
  
i wanna spend the whole night in your eyes//  
  
  
  
###Next morning###  
  
I woke up with the sun shining through the window, straight in my eyes. I quickly realized that my arms were wrapped around Ami-chan's naked waist and remembered the night before. A smile spread across my face as I buried it in her slightly matted blue hair, pulling her closer to me. It was a first for both of us and unlike anything I've ever experienced. I softly kissed the back of her neck and I guess I woke her up because she started to shift in my arms. This only caused me to tighten my grip on her waist.  
  
"Just stay still babe. We don't have to get up right away."  
  
"It's Saturday isn't it?"  
  
"Sure is, Thank God! I really don't want to get up because I feel as if I'm in heaven just laying here with you."  
  
"You're so sweet honey." She turned her head just enough to kiss the tip of my nose and then snuggled into me more.  
  
  
  
Author's Note:  
  
I hope everyone likes my songfics so far. I have at ideas for at least two more chapters, if not three. Please R&R and let me know if I should continue! 


	4. I Can Love You Better

Disclaimer: ::blink, blink, blink, blink:: Look! My cursor's blinking! ::blink, blink, blink, blink:: I'm okay, I promise! Okay, I don't own anything. Although I would like to own everything that has to do with Sailor Moon… though I don't think Takeuchi-sama would like me too much for that. I would also like to own the Dixie Chicks… but they'd likely have me killed before I get a chance for that.  ::big smile, then throws an arm up in the air:: Get ready, get set… ::drops arm::  ON WITH THE PLOT TWIST!

Author note: The little squiggle lines across the screen mean that it's a flashback… I am attempting to skip some time, yet make sure you understand exactly what has happened… please bare with me and let me know what you think of the ways I filled in the gaps. I really appreciate the feedback I have been getting; it is the only thing that keeps me writing.  

It's been a few months since we found out that Mako-chan and Ami-chan are going out. I still don't think that it's quite sunk into my brain. I never would have thought that Makoto would begin to like girls, without being with me first. Lately I've been sitting in the back seat of my car trying to possibly figure out how it happened while Michi yells at me from the front door to come in and eat something. I don't really think that she has quite figured out exactly what is wrong with me and, personally, I don't think that I can bring myself to tell her about it. I know that it would hurt her deeply. 

"Haruka-papa! Come on! It's your turn!"  Hotaru said as she glared at me slightly, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Sorry about that, hun." I proceeded to look down at the game board, rolled the dice, and made my move.

"Oh, forget it." She sighed. "You moved in the opposite direction that you were supposed to, and you didn't even notice I landed on the Board Walk and you have a hotel on it... What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry Hota-chan. I've got a lot on my mind right now. If you would like, we can play again later."

"That's alright Haruka-papa. Is it alright if I go get online?"

"Sure. Just don't crash the computer." 

"Arigatoo Gozaimasu!" She kissed me on the cheek then bounded off for the library. As she disappeared around the corner, my mind wandered off to the place it has gone many times recently… The day they told us.

All of the senshi, including the outers and the starlights gathered in Café Blankè and no one really knew why except for two people. They were sitting in the middle of the large group, grins plastered across their faces.  Setsuna, who was standing by the two grinning fools, had her ever present "I See all, I know all" look on her face. Usagi was sitting there, arguing with Rei in between each lick of her ice cream cone... Setsuna sent an all-knowing look in their direction, too, but that would wait for another day. Haruka was arguing with the Lights as usual, with Michiru trying to make idle conversation with Setsuna while keeping Hotaru in her seat instead of letting her run to the video game. 

"Should have never let her get as bad as Usagi," she complained to the time guardian.

Mako's grin decided to disappear and her voice rose above the commotion. "Ami and I are going out."  Everyone suddenly got quiet and the only sound to be heard was Haruka spitting her tea across the table.

"WHAT?!"

I was yet again snapped out of my seemingly senseless mind wanderings. This time it was Michiru who was trying to get me to clean up the Monopoly set. When I looked up at her from my seat on the floor, I could see a slight hint of worry in her eyes, but decided not to say anything to her at the moment. 

"Haruka, darling, you seem to have been out of it for awhile now. What's wrong?"

I can't tell her now. It would hurt her so much and that is the last thing I would want to do. "I don't really want to talk about it right now. I need to figure this out for myself."

"Well, if you ever decide that you want help, you know that I'll always be here for you."

"Thanks babe." I stood up and kissed her softly, then hugged her. "I really appreciate it." She pulled back slightly and looked up into my eyes before turning and walking straight into her studio. I still swear that I can see more worry and sadness in her eyes then normal. 

After cleaning up the Monopoly set, I wandered into the garage and looked at my motorcycle. It didn't take me long to decide to go for a ride. I yelled over my shoulder to let Michiru know that I was going out… then quickly hopped on my bike and rode out of the garage.  It didn't take long before I rode past the history museum.

Ami was in the process of pulling Makoto into the door. 

"Come on Mako-chan…  let's go in!"

"No offense Ami-chan… but it's getting boring."

"But it's history!"

"It's dead people." 

"But this is what has formed our present society."

"Ami-chan… it's boring."

"Fine. If you don't like it, then you can just leave."

"Okay. I will. I'll meet you at the café in 10 minutes."

//She's got you wrapped up in her satin and lace 

_Tied around her little finger_

_She's got you thinking you never can escape_

_Don't you know your heart's in danger_

_There's a devil in that angel face_

_If you could only see the love that you're wasting.//_

I stopped my bike at the red light and watched as Makoto walked off in the direction of the café and Ami went into the museum. I continued watching Makoto and when the light turned green, the guy in the car behind me honked his horn and yelled at me.

"Oi! Baka! Green!" This effectively pulled my eyes away from Makoto. After yelling back at the guy, I hit the gas. 

"So, Haruka what do you think of Makoto-chan and Ami-chan going out?"

Haruka sat there quietly.

"Ruka?"

"Hum?"

"What do you think about it?"

"It's their lives Michi. It's none of our business."

"But you are allowed to have an opinion."

"My opinion is that it's their business and we shouldn't be nosey."

"I'm not being nosey, I'm just being concerned for friends."

"Uh huh, yeah… whatever." Haruka stood up and walked out.

Michiru started sputtering. "But… wa… eh…. Haruka!"

I got to the café about twenty minutes after Makoto and Ami split up. When I walked in I looked around and saw Makoto sitting at a booth, idly staring at a cup of tea, and Ami nowhere to be seen.  I walked over to her.

"Mind if I sit down?"

"Sure, go ahead." She sounded quite saddened.

//I can love you better than that I know how to make you forget her All I'm asking is for one little chance 'Cause baby, I can love you Baby, I can love you better// 

_~Well, if Michi wants me to be involved in their lives, I'll **be **involved in their lives.~_

I sat down across her and looked into her eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"How is Ami-chan?"

She winced slightly, almost unnoticeable.

"Is something the matter?" 

"Nothing"

"Your eyes tell me the exact opposite."

She closed her eyes. "It's nothing." She opened them again. "It's just that Ami-chan seems to enjoy museums just a little to much."

"And of course people like us just can't seem to get into museums can we?"

She seemed a little shocked, then blinked a few times and chuckled slightly. "Of course we can't."

I leaned back in the seat and mused to myself. "Makes me wonder why we deal with them."

She grinned slightly. "Serious"

I leaned forward and put my elbows against the table and put my head in my hands, looking across at her. "You know if you're having major problems, there are a lot of people who would like to go out with you." I let my voice drop to a husky whisper. "Like me."

She blushed a bright red, and looked at me through her lashes. I took this as my chance and leaned across the table and kissed her softly.

//I'm gonna break the spell she's got on you You're gonna wake up to find I'm your desire My intentions are true Hey babe, I know in time You're gonna see what you mean to me So open up your eyes cause seeing is believing// 

~*~

Just before I went into the café, I looked down at the potted plant in my arms. I had realized that I was late for meeting Mako-chan and stopped in at a small plant store and got it for her to try to apologize for it. 

I took a deep breath and walked into the café, after looking around I saw Mako sitting at a table with Haruka leaning across it… Kissing her?!? My blood immediately began to boil but as calmly as I could, I walked over to their table.  The next thing anyone knew, there was an overturned and smashed potted plant on Makoto's head. I didn't say a single word but just turned around and walked right back out.

~*~

Makoto sat there in slight shock.

"Mako-chan… you alright?"

"I-itai… ow… ouch… owie…" She put her hand up to her head, shaking pieces of black potting soil out of her chestnut hair. "Wh-what happened?"

"I think we upset your koi…"

"What do you mean 'we'?"

I sighed. "Fine. I upset your koi." My voice droped in volume until it was almost inaudible. "Just like I upset Michi."

###Haruka's house###

After parking my bike, I plopped down onto the couch. After letting out a long sigh, Michi appeared in the door of her studio.

"Ruka, you okay?"

"No. I'm not."

She walked over and sat next to me on the couch. "What's wrong darling?"

"I've screwed up."

"How? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I have to talk about it… especially with you."

"Okay. Well, how did you screw up?"

"I'm going to be quite honest and pray that you don't get to hurt."

She nodded and turned to look at me more closely.

"I've had… a crush… On Makoto-chan for awhile now."

Her brows rose slightly.

"And today, she and Ami-chan got into an argument, and I tried to make Makoto cheer up. I ended up kissing her."

Her mouth dropped slightly.

"Now I'm feeling really bad because Ami walked in while I was kissing her. She got mad and broke a potted plant on Makoto's head and walked out."

"So, let me get this straight. You basically took a bad situation… and made it worse?"

"That's about it."

"And this worse situation now means that Makoto and Ami are broken up now?"

"As far as I can tell, yes."

She sighed and shook her head. "Haruka… how could you? They were such a cute couple."

"This is why I didn't want to get into their business."

//I can love you better than that  
I know how to make you forget her  
All I'm asking is for one little chance  
'Cause baby, I can love you  
Baby, I can love you better  
Oh-n-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh  
Yeah-ee-yeah-eah-eah-eah  
Ooh-ooh, yeah  
I can love you better than that  
I know how to make you forget her  
All I'm asking is for one little chance  
'Cause baby, I can love you  
I can love you better than that// 

"I'm really sorry Michi."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."


	5. Everytime It Rains

Disclaimer: ::peers out from behind a bush:: Will someone help me please? I'm being stalked! ::out of paranoia, ducks back behind the bush::

Aramina posing as a detective: Well, do you have any clue as to who is stalking you?

Lita: YES! It's Boredom!!!!!

Yes, you heard it; this is a product of being stalked by boredom. I do not own Sailor Moon or Every Time it Rains… you gotta love Takeuchi-sama and Ace of Base for those. 

Author Note: This chapter is going to be very different from what I am used to writing, so if you like, go ahead and flame me… it would make a nice fire… I'm quite cold. Maybe I can warm up from it.

I lay in a completely pitch black room, even though it is the middle of the day. For the past few days I haven't even bothered to get out of bed to cook anything. I think I've eaten a total of three crackers in the past 4 days. I can't get myself together. Not after what happened. Ami must be furious with me. I shift in my bed until I'm comfortable. My stomach's growling, begging for food, but I ignore it. I don't feel like eating. Every time I think about Ami, I want to cry. 

Why did Haruka kiss me? Why didn't I pull back? Why did I kiss back? Oh god. Ami-chan I'm sorry. I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't hear the phone ring. I sighed. Can't they just leave me alone? At times my friends are too nosey, especially the blondes. 

I don't even bother with picking it up and I just let the machine get it. It was Haruka.

"Makoto, please pick up the phone. You can't cut yourself from us forever. Please talk to some-" the machine cut her off there and inserted a message stating that the message box had become full.

I bury my head in the pillow and I guess I fell asleep because the next thing I know the doorbell was ringing.

"Mako open the door!!!" I can hear Usagi's voice. She sounds worried. I shouldn't let her worry but can't she see I want to be alone. "Mako please open the door. I'm here alone this time I swear!" 

I sighed. ~Fine! You win Usa.~ I thought to myself. Slowly I stand with shaky legs. I think I've lost too much weight. I'm so tired and nauseous I don't feel like standing but I force myself too. When I reached the door I leaned heavily on it. I have never been this tired in my life. I can't even hold my self up without any troubles. Slowly I opened the door and I can hear a faint gasp from my friend. I looked up at her and suddenly I'm hit with a dizzy spell. I feel myself falling. "Usa."

"Mako!" That was the only thing heard but the voice wasn't Usagi's.  The last thing I remember, trembling arms were wrapping around my waist.

I regain consciousness, but nothing smells, or sounds, like it should. I keep my eyes closed and try to figure out where I am. There is only one steady beeping, several small, sporadic beeps and the loud sound of thunder.

_//I see dark clouds out my window_

_I know the storm is coming any minute_

_and the thunder just confirms my fears_

_and I know the tears are in it_

I'll be cryin unable to stop 

_look here comes the very first drop//_

I slowly open one eye, and then quickly close it again as a bright light bombards my sight. Slowly, I move my left arm across my waist and my fingertips come in contact with something stuck into my right wrist.

~Please don't tell me they've put me in a hospital~

I started to open my eye again and this time I resisted the light. Soon after it was adjusted, I open my other eye and look around, only to confirm that I am in a hospital. I weakly sit up and look around more at the machines and the IV that is attached to my wrist. As the rain began to fall, my attention was glued to it beating against the window.

I was so preoccupied with watching and listening to the rain that I didn't notice when Usagi opened the door and walked in.

"I'm glad to see that you're awake Mako-chan. You had us all worried"

She startled me and I turned to look at her.

"What happened? Why am I here?"

"You passed out and we brought you here immediately. The doctors say you haven't eaten and that you are dehydrated."

I look back at the window. "Yeah? Your point being?"

"Mako, you can't do this to yourself."

A small tear forms in the corner of my eye but I force my voice to belie my emotions. I ended up sounding harsh. "Watch me."

"Mako," she put a hand on my shoulder, "I won't let you. You are my friend. I care to much about you to let you do this."

"But why should I care when I've hurt the only person I've ever truly loved?"

"Mako-chan. She's worried about you too."

I shrug her hand off my shoulder and speak in a cold, harsh tone. "Liar." I still refuse to look at her anymore.

"I'm not lieing Makoto. She's here right now. But she didn't want you to be to mad at her, so she ask me to come in and talk to you first."

That broke it and I start screaming at her. "LIAR! Get out!" My voice only raised in volume. "Just get out and stop lieing to me."

She turns around and calmly walks out.  As soon as she is out of view, I start to pull out the IV and other machines that I am hooked up to. I slowly stand up and stay still until I get my balance, then, ignoring my bleeding wrist, I slowly make my way out of the room and down the hall. I get about half way down the hall before a nurse stops me. I don't know where it came from, but somehow I got the strength to push her out of my way and I continue to walk out of the hospital. 

I get out of the hospital with very little more interference.

~When she realizes I'm gone, the first place she'll look is my apartment. I have a head start so I probably have enough time to go pick up some stuff and hightail it out.~ 

So I walk as fast as I can, becoming drenched in the pouring rain, to my apartment and gather a few sets of clothes and wrap a large butcher knife in them.

//'Cuz every time it rains I fall to pieces so many memories the rain releases I feel you I taste you I cannot forget everytime it rains I get wet// 

I grab another set of clothes and quickly change out of the soaked hospital gown. I walk out of my apartment and close the door… no need to lock it. I won't need anything in it anymore. Before I turn to go in either direction, I begin to hear angry voices of the inner senshi coming from the elevator. I run as fast as my, still weak, legs will take me toward the stairs and disappear down the stairwell, hopefully before anyone notices me. 

//On sunny days I'm all right I walk in the light and I try not to think about the love I live without// 

It takes about four seconds to get completely drenched again. I let my feet take me where they will and I find myself on the bridge where the outers like to look at the stars. There are no stars out in this rain, but that is all the better. That means that there will be fewer witnesses to my act.  I sit in the middle of the bridge and open my burden and pick up the knife that is lying inside, awaiting its task. I lightly run my hand against the flat of the wet blade, then let my fingers gently glide against the sharp edge. A thin line of blood quickly appears, attesting to the sharpness of the blade. 

~There are plenty of senshi now to protect Queen Serenity. They don't have to have the stormy one.~

A bolt of lightning flashes across the sky above me then fades away slowly. How appropriate. I look down at my right wrist and gently flick off the dried blood, which had accumulated since I pulled out the IV. A small trickle decided to spring up and join the beads on my fingertips.

//But every time it rains I fall to pieces so many memories the rain releases I feel you I taste you I cannot forget everytime it rains I get wet// 

My gaze rested on the knife in my hand, which I lightly put against the skin of my left wrist. The metal is cold and constantly becoming colder as the rain continues to fall. I take a deep breath, and pull the edge across my wrist with as much pressure as I can possibly put into it. I scream against the pain and loud enough to rip through the sound of the thunder and rain. But I know that will not be enough. I pass the knife into my left hand, more blood oozing out of that wrist. I repeat the process on my right wrist, pulling the edge straight across the IV wound. 

//'Cuz every time it rains (every time it rains) I fall to pieces (every memory) so many memories the rain releases I feel you I taste you I cannot forget everytime it rains (every time it rains) I get wet 'Cuz every time it rains (every time it rains) I fall to pieces (every memory) so many memories the rain releases// 

After a few minutes of watching the blood gush and the rain, washing it down my arms, I finally pass out. Glorious unconsciousness.

Author note: I know you are all screaming "NO YOU CAN'T END IT THERE!" but I did… can you blame me?  I wrote this entirely in one day… and only through the efforts of myself and the ff.net empress of the crossovers, Altheia. We must all praise Altheia and thank her for writing almost my entire first page! ::bows to Altheia:: Thank you everyone!


	6. Stuck in a Moment

Disclaimer::: has on headphones and is head banging to an unknown song, suddenly sings loudly:: TIE ME TO THE BEDPOOOOOOOOOOST! ::suddenly aware of people looking at her like she's crazy (which I am, but that's another story):: oh, hello. You want a disclaimer don't you? Okay, well, I don't own Sailor Moon or Stuck in a Moment. Takeuchi-sama and U2 rock the world for those.. I don't own Inside Out either.:: the song blares through the headphones:: Eve 6 rocks too. Okay. I'm going back to my music now:: puts headphones back on::  
  
Author's note: I have done something quite different than any of my other chapters, but I will not say what it is, I wanna see if anyone pays attention enough to figure out what it is.  
  
I stand in the hall and look at the gorgeous woman that is encased in crystal. It has been several years since she has been awake and walking around. Although I see her daily, I miss her greatly.  
  
Since the day that she went into the coma, so many things have changed, but not my love for her. Nothing can change that. I still cannot believe that she thought that there was no chance of me forgiving her. I was already over it, but I had not told her so. Now I am just so afraid that I will never be able to tell her that I still love her. I sigh loudly and walk away from the large room and begin to wander around the crystal palace.  
  
Right before I turn the corner to go to my chambers, I walk past Venus. I suppose that she noticed the saddened look on my face.  
  
"You went to visit Mako again didn't you Mercury?"  
  
I quietly answer her. "Yes. I did."  
  
She gently put an arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry Mercury. But you know, Serenity says that she could come out of it at anytime."  
  
"Yeah, I know. That's probably the only thing that is keeping me from attempting to join her."  
  
"As long as you hold on to some glimmer of hope, then there's always a chance. I'm sorry that I can't stay and talk more, but Pluto is waiting for me." She smirked slightly.  
  
"Wouldn't want to keep her waiting to long." I hugged her gently. "I'll see you later Venus." I watch her bound down the hall, and then I glumly walk toward my chamber and shut the door behind me. It is almost dark, so I go ahead and get ready for bed.  
  
~*~  
  
(Mako's sub-conscious)  
  
I am drenched in the cold, falling rain with a knife held to my wrist. I've made my Ami-chan mad at me. I don't deserve to live. The only thing I deserve now is to die. I am hungry, thirsty and my fingers and a small dot on my right wrist are already bleeding. The metal of the knife seems to be getting colder as the rain refuses to stop falling. I am about to do the only thing I have never thought of doing, until now. I'll end everyone's pain. I'll end it now. I drag the knife across my wrist and repeat it on the opposite one. After a few minutes of pain and dripping blood, the darkness envelops me . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
//You've got to get yourself together  
  
You've got stuck in a moment  
  
And now you can't get out of it//  
  
  
  
And the pain begins again.  
  
~*~  
  
I climb into my bed and curl up in the middle of it, the pain of seeing Mako-chan like that still haunting me.  
  
  
  
&*&  
  
After splitting up with the rest on the inner senshi, I ran in one direction for a few minutes before I heard a scream. It sounded close, but because of the rain, also sounded distant. I turned in the direction that it seems to be coming from and start running. Another scream ripped through the sound of the pouring rain, this time it seemed to be coming from far behind me. I quickly turned around and ran as fast I could.  
  
~God, please. Don't let that be Makoto. Please, no.~  
  
I run for what seems to be forever before I get to the bridge that the outers use for stargazing. I stop by a tree, trying to catch my breath as the cold rain continues to fall on my head. While I am leaning against the tree, I look at my surroundings. My eyes rest on something in the middle of the bridge. After looking at it closer, it seems to be a very wet brown ponytail with green knocker balls at the base.  
  
"MAKO!" I run up to the bridge and bend down next to her and pull her into my arms. I notice that her wrists are bleeding, and nothing can stop the tears from flowing as I realize that there is nothing that I can do for her right now. I try picking her up to get her off of the bridge, possibly somewhere dry. I managed to get her partially off the ground and staggered under the weight to get her off the bridge.  
  
"Mako-chan," I chuckled slightly, "I would think that with all that cooking you do, you wouldn't eat as much." I chuckle again as more tears fall. "Especially with Usagi-chan around."  
  
//I never thought you were a fool  
  
1 But darling look at you  
  
You gotta stand up straight  
  
Carry your own weight  
  
These tears are going nowhere baby  
  
You've got to get yourself together  
  
You've got stuck in a moment  
  
And now you can't get out of it//  
  
  
  
&*&  
  
I curl tighter into my ball to try and stop the pain that is rebuilding inside me.  
  
I quietly speak aloud, just before I bury myself in my blankets. "I still love you Ma-chan. I love you."  
  
~*~  
  
It has been to long for Jupiter to be in her coma. It is time for me to help her find her way out of her memory.  
  
I grab my time staff and quickly glance at Minako-chan, who is asleep on the bed, before walking out of the room and toward the crystal room. I stand just beside the crystal encasement that contains Jupiter and held my time staff above it, the garnet orb above Makoto-san's head. The orb brightens, and then dims. My job is finished.  
  
~*~  
  
After a few minutes of pain and dripping blood, the darkness envelops me . . .  
  
2 //Don't say that later will be better  
  
3 Now you're stuck in a moment  
  
4 And you can't get out of it//  
  
Ami is standing in front of me, smiling. "I love you Ma-chan." . . .  
  
5 //Oh love, look at you now  
  
6 You've got yourself stuck in a moment  
  
7 And you can't get out of it//  
  
The blade is cold against my skin, the rain refusing to stop falling on me, the blood still oozing from my fingers . . .  
  
8  
  
9 //I'm not afraid  
  
10 Of anything in this world  
  
11 There's nothing you can throw at me  
  
12 That I haven't already heard//  
  
Ami and I are lying in my bed, my arms wrapped around her naked waist and sunlight shining through the window, catching colors from my sun catcher, the colors slightly reminiscent of the sparks that were flying between Ami and I the night before . . .  
  
13 //I will not forsake  
  
14 The colors that you bring  
  
15 The nights you filled with fireworks//  
  
  
  
I am bleeding.  
  
I am wet.  
  
I am hungry.  
  
I am thirsty.  
  
I am in pain.  
  
16 //I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall  
  
17 It's a long way down to nothing at all//  
  
Ami glanced at me over her Quantum physics book and smiled lovingly at me.  
  
An unknown, yet familiar voice broke into my mind. "Jupiter. Your love needs you."  
  
  
  
My eyes fly open, no one is there. Something transparent is surrounding me. I slowly reach up and lightly touch it before it disappears. My back trying to stay straight and stiff while I carefully sit up. I look around at the large room that I am in, the walls seemingly glowing a radiant whiteness.  
  
"What's going on? Where am I?" I stand up and almost fall over, but catch my balance quickly.  
  
I walk toward the door, stumbling a few times, while stepping through the frame of it, I feel a familiarity sweep over me, and then it disappears. Looking down, I notice that I am now in my senshi uniform.  
  
"What the hell?" After turning to my left I start walking, still trying to figure out where I am.  
  
~*~  
  
"Sailor Mercury."  
  
I spin around and I am face to face with Pluto.  
  
"Go to the Grand Ballroom."  
  
"Pluto, why?"  
  
She smiled, and then disappears.  
  
  
  
I wake up, completely under my blankets. They immediately get thrown onto the floor as I bolt out the door and toward the Grand Ballroom. I stop dead in my tracks as I reach the door and my hand shakily rises to cover my mouth. There, in front of me, was Sailor Jupiter, her back turned to me and looking up at the chandelier. She starts looking around, seemingly awestruck and with a good reason.  
  
"Where the hell am-" Our eyes connected, "iiiiii . . . . . oh . . . . . . ."  
  
I took one step forward. "Ma-chan?"  
  
She stepped back slightly. "You're still mad at me aren't you?"  
  
I bolt forward and wrap my arms around her chest. "Of course not Ma-chan! I that was years ago and I was only angry with you for a few hours. But you never listened to anyone." I sniffle and a tear forms in the corner of my eye as I remember.  
  
She cautiously wraps her arms around my waist and laid her head on top of mine. "I'm so sorry Mi-chan. I wasn't thinking right."  
  
I pull back and look up at her. "You know that you'll never be able to forget it." I hold the back of her hands and put them in front of her face, indicating the scars on her wrists and fingertips to her. "Serenity wouldn't let us heal those. She wanted to leave them as a reminder to you."  
  
She looks at the scars for a few moments, then hugs me tightly.  
  
"I'll never leave you again Mi-chan. I'm sorry." 


End file.
